Who's the heathen now?

The other day I made a joke with my friend who had to work on Sunday, I called him a heathen. It was funny in the moment. "What? You're not going to church? Heathen." And the irony of the moment was that he is a hospital chaplain. No church? Well that's ok because you're going to be counseling and praying with people all day long.

I got to thinking about it later and I realized that besides just the dictionary definition of a heathen, we have a cultural definition as someone who disregards God, acts in a manner that breaks the mold of our Christian subculture, or refuses to conform to the Christian norm. For example, you cuss and swear? Heathen. You sing Bob Dylan and want to sing it at church? Heathen. You have a tatoo and want another one? Heathen. You don't always go to church on Sunday? Heathen. You speed? Heathen.

I count myself as a heathen in many ways. I drink, don't always get to church every Sunday, sometimes drive faster than the speed limit, and don't even have a problem with tatoos. Those are just some of the things that "break the mold" of contemporary Christianity in my life. I have told lies, stolen things, not loved my neighbor, experienced road rage, been selfish, self-seeking, proud, judgmental, critical, and so much more. My list of character flaws is not short and sweet.

(Just a note about the driving, I will admit that I speed, can you believe it? 100% of drivers speed at some point, but no one admits it, at least no one I know. So I will be the first. I do not always drive the speed limit. I generally drive about 5 miles over the speed limit. Not always, but generally, yes. There. I said it. Incidentally, there are usually people passing me when I drive as well. So I know you are out there. You can chime in without the shame. You are not alone.)

Even as I write that list of character flaws, I get nervous over who might read this blog and look down on me for it. I feel the need to explain, justify, and placate against future judgments toward me. Right? I only drink in moderation. Or I do go to church, but sometimes choose other non-church ways to worship God on Sunday mornings. Even I am a very diligent, conscientious, and safe driver when I have kids in the car and don't speed then. Yet the truth is that I know all of those things are the same for whoever reads this. I don't know a single person who hasn't told a lie, taken something that isn't his or hers, judged others, been self-centered, etc. We engage in these so frequently that the labels "liar", "thief", and "arrogant" might apply.

But we don't want to use the present tense of these character flaws. We like to look at these things as part of the past. "I have told a lie before, but I'm not a liar." Really? "Sure, I don't do it every day. I really try hard not to." Ok, so how many lies do you have to tell to be a liar?

And you know? There's something to be said for trying hard not to, for good intentions, for striving. I don't think it's a good thing to be said, but there's something to be said for it.

The truth is that we are all heathens. We are all sinful people with a broken character that leaves us with the propensity to sin over and over and over again and drive us away from God. I may not have lied today, but I have in the past and I can guarantee that try as I might, I will lie again in the future.

So today, as I declare that I am Not Your Average Heathen, I say that with a little bit of jest, a whole lot of honesty that my behavior and choices really do inherently separate me from God (not all of them, but at least some of them do, every day), and the hope that even with my sin, even with my brokenness, even through my pain and dysfunction, that I have a chance to try again and do it differently next time and draw closer to God.

Hope springs eternal they say. Good. Because I'm confident that even with eternity, I won't be able to cure this "heathen-ness" all by myself and I need hope each day, that God will.

Don't give me your one liners about faith.

About a month ago, a friend of mine told me a story. She was very excited because it was a miraculous story. God moved in a big way. There was a man who was associated with her church who had been diagnosed with a severe case of skin cancer on his face. The diagnosis was confirmed multiple times and while he was getting ready for major facial reconstructive surgery, he received a phone call from his doctor saying the cancer was gone. They had done a test to help prep for the surgery and could not find anymore cancer.

Amazing! Praise God!

Right? Isn't that how we are supposed to respond? I didn't. I couldn't. That wasn't my response. I was angry and as we were in a group, I was focusing on using self-control because that was not the place to express my response. I was so angry that God could heal this man in a matter of a month or two and not heal other people who are suffering.

But what really got to me was some of my friends responses to this story. One friend said, "wow, if only I had faith like that." Another responded, "Thank you God for his faith!" In our closing prayer I heard this, "God help us have a faith like that man" as if it was this man's faith that healed him.

I don't know why God chose to heal him, whether it was his faith, someone else's faith, or an act of God without anyone's faith, I don't think that God needs our faith to work. Why do we pray like that? What was insinuated by my friend was this, "if I have enough faith, God will do what I want. If God doesn't do what I want, it's because I don't have enough faith." In other words, this person's healing is up to me. God healed based on me and what I can do/believe? How is that different from believing that God loves me because of what I do? Or that God will only be a part of my life if I do things "the right way"?

In the strongest way possible, I reject the idea that someone's healing is totally contingent on my faith. Then I look at scripture and I see verses like Matt 17:20 "if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”"

Ok, God? What does this mean? I haven't seen many mountains move lately. Would God really not heal someone else because I don't believe? Yet the truth is that I do believe. I believe that God can do anything. I believe that God is powerful enough to create things, orchestrate things, work in this world. What I have trouble believing however, is that God will. Sure he can, but will he?

I've been reading a book called "Reasons for God: Belief in the Age of Skeptisicm" by Timothy Keller. Keller discusses the idea of how can God allow suffering, perhaps meaning he chooses not to do something, and says, "If you have a God great and transcendent enough to be mad at because he hasn't stopped evil and suffering in the world, then you have (at the same moment) a God great and transcendent enough to have good reasons for allowing it to continue that you can't know. Indeed, you can't have it both ways."

If I think about it for a while, I can agree with this statement, intellectually. To deal with my heart though, I need something different.

Telling me to "have more faith" or "just believe, God's got a plan" are one liners I don't want to hear. I don't think that God works that way. The cliche's aren't going to work. Not for now.

Heathen Definition

Thanks to Merriam-Webster dictionary for this:

Main Entry: ²heathen

Function: noun

Inflected Form(s): plural heathens or heathen

Date: before 12th century
1 : an unconverted member of a people or nation that does not acknowledge the God of the Bible
2 : an uncivilized or irreligious person

I'm referring to the "irreligious person" definition in my blog title. While many would agree that the lifestyle I lead and beliefs I claim are wholeheartedly religious, (and I often agree), my case for the title stems from a different perspective on being an irreligious person. As I have spent time in Christian circles, I find that I reject aspects of the American Christian subculture. I am not rejecting God, doctrine, or faithfully held beliefs. I am rejecting apathy, close-mindedness, and insincerity. Even in that statement, I do not fall into the camp of the stereotypical person who is against those concepts. I hope you find in this blog, entries that reveal a heart seeking truth, freedom, authenticity, and a God who is big enough to take the left and the right and find a middle ground that is passionate, on fire, and far far far from lukewarm.