Who's the heathen now?

The other day I made a joke with my friend who had to work on Sunday, I called him a heathen. It was funny in the moment. "What? You're not going to church? Heathen." And the irony of the moment was that he is a hospital chaplain. No church? Well that's ok because you're going to be counseling and praying with people all day long.

I got to thinking about it later and I realized that besides just the dictionary definition of a heathen, we have a cultural definition as someone who disregards God, acts in a manner that breaks the mold of our Christian subculture, or refuses to conform to the Christian norm. For example, you cuss and swear? Heathen. You sing Bob Dylan and want to sing it at church? Heathen. You have a tatoo and want another one? Heathen. You don't always go to church on Sunday? Heathen. You speed? Heathen.

I count myself as a heathen in many ways. I drink, don't always get to church every Sunday, sometimes drive faster than the speed limit, and don't even have a problem with tatoos. Those are just some of the things that "break the mold" of contemporary Christianity in my life. I have told lies, stolen things, not loved my neighbor, experienced road rage, been selfish, self-seeking, proud, judgmental, critical, and so much more. My list of character flaws is not short and sweet.

(Just a note about the driving, I will admit that I speed, can you believe it? 100% of drivers speed at some point, but no one admits it, at least no one I know. So I will be the first. I do not always drive the speed limit. I generally drive about 5 miles over the speed limit. Not always, but generally, yes. There. I said it. Incidentally, there are usually people passing me when I drive as well. So I know you are out there. You can chime in without the shame. You are not alone.)

Even as I write that list of character flaws, I get nervous over who might read this blog and look down on me for it. I feel the need to explain, justify, and placate against future judgments toward me. Right? I only drink in moderation. Or I do go to church, but sometimes choose other non-church ways to worship God on Sunday mornings. Even I am a very diligent, conscientious, and safe driver when I have kids in the car and don't speed then. Yet the truth is that I know all of those things are the same for whoever reads this. I don't know a single person who hasn't told a lie, taken something that isn't his or hers, judged others, been self-centered, etc. We engage in these so frequently that the labels "liar", "thief", and "arrogant" might apply.

But we don't want to use the present tense of these character flaws. We like to look at these things as part of the past. "I have told a lie before, but I'm not a liar." Really? "Sure, I don't do it every day. I really try hard not to." Ok, so how many lies do you have to tell to be a liar?

And you know? There's something to be said for trying hard not to, for good intentions, for striving. I don't think it's a good thing to be said, but there's something to be said for it.

The truth is that we are all heathens. We are all sinful people with a broken character that leaves us with the propensity to sin over and over and over again and drive us away from God. I may not have lied today, but I have in the past and I can guarantee that try as I might, I will lie again in the future.

So today, as I declare that I am Not Your Average Heathen, I say that with a little bit of jest, a whole lot of honesty that my behavior and choices really do inherently separate me from God (not all of them, but at least some of them do, every day), and the hope that even with my sin, even with my brokenness, even through my pain and dysfunction, that I have a chance to try again and do it differently next time and draw closer to God.

Hope springs eternal they say. Good. Because I'm confident that even with eternity, I won't be able to cure this "heathen-ness" all by myself and I need hope each day, that God will.